The end of the world today (tomorrow I’ll see how it goes)

The end of the world today (tomorrow I’ll see how it goes)

There are days like these: the stars hide behind the clouds and the moon has been gone for so long I lost track of the quarter. During the day only the buses are blue, the clouds grey the sky and even the rain is gone. The ones you love feel like a dream and friends is a word lost between every day familiar faces and the memory of good ones you left behind to go after your dream.
In days like these life’s a bitch, the future uncertain, fate makes time go slower so that the pain and suffer grow bigger and bigger until tears water your eyes, and all you want to do is cry and forget there’s a world outside.
So if you feel like crying, then cry; if you feel like screaming then open your lungs and shout as loud as you can; if you want to ignore the world then do so.
Times goes by and the tears start to dry. Slowly, inside of you, this weird feeling starts to grow. Hints of energy sparking your synapses and you suddenly move. Wash your face and take a long look at the mirror: What the fuck was I doing?
Look at the clock: it’s 3 o’clock, three, the number of perfection, and what a perfect time to start living again. Step outside, the laughter of a child makes you feel human again, the old lady digging for can in the rubbish brings up compassion and you can’t help but compare: and I was the miserable one?
You walk but you don’t know where. When did the sun start shining? The lovely couple brings memories, long lost times, but where did they go? Why am I here and you’re not? Why am I alone? But you are alone too... The ambulance flies by, someone’s hurt. A bird lands really close to you and stares, as if asking Why are you so sad? You smile! You notice how smooth the breeze is, nice warm breeze kissing your face, embracing your body. The next moment you start listening: one car goes by, then the silence. I girl shouts: Mom, Mom! Look! You look too. She’s ridding her bike on her own for the first time, but you don’t know that but you can see it on her mom’s face, on that unique proud shinning smile. How busy the world today.
You stop for a second, think about the tears shed, think about the sadness that woke up by your side and made its way in to you. Is it still there? No, I don’t think so. What’s that on your face? Is it a smile? what are you thinking about? You grab your phone and keep living.
It can still be a good day, there’s still time and there’s a whole world out there for you to smile!

The beginning

The first day

The summer that year hasn’t been much of a summer all over the world. Just arrived from a trip across the ocean it was time for a not so pleasant trip.
The car was packed or stuffed would have been the proper word. The road was wet (I think it was), the tank was full. It was another goodbye. How many have I lived so far? Too many, enough to almost having lost count, but this one was different, this one was strange. Feelings of joy conflicted with feelings of sadness, and loss was stamped and could be smelled all over. A deep breath, repeating to myself it’s gonna be OK, everything will be fine, it’s only for a few months and then the next trip will be one of joy, of realization of a dream. Even today I am not sure if I really believed those words.
Tears were being kept inside, eyes shining from maybe the sun (which provided a very good excuse). I so wanted to stay, or maybe be sure you were coming with me and staying. But truth is I was leaving and you would stay. And in all my pessimism I never thought it would be this way. As I got into the car and you sat by my side the beginning of this tale was being set: 365 days without you and maybe so many more to come.

Almost a year later

Some days those 550 km between us are just that: an accumulation of metric measurements. Some days it was an unbearable pain, an endless distance that threatened to never go away. Experience told me to never get used to it, never allow distance to be a companion in this journey, rather a foe that will stab you in the back while holding your hand smiling.
So here I sit today surrounded by a rhapsody of feelings and flavors and sounds and aromas: love, pain, passion, desire, disappointment, hope and fatality. Losing you can be a blessing or a curse but until the fatty lady sings I shall continue to do what I know best:
Work myself to death, write myself to sleep, love myself to madness!
This will be a story about me, about you, about us. This will be me, 550 Km away from you, trying my best to get you closer. This story will be me.